Please tell me when I’m being an idiot

[textile] This morning I was taught a lesson by David Christiansen. It was during a conversation on Bacon, Descarte, Waterfall, and Agile (oh yea, typical Saturday morning conversation... I know). Dave said, "This is the first time I've ever been pissed at you." Or something like that. I care deeply for Dave, so I got a little taken aback. After Dave made that statement, that part of our conversation ended per Dave's better judgment. We went on to talk about other things. As the conversation shifted, I thought about my actions leading up to that point:

• I spoke over Dave. In an effort to get myself heard, I put Dave's ideas below mine and didn't view him or his ideas as important.
• I didn't listen to Dave. Often a corollary to item one, I didn't truly give him my attention, even when I wasn't trying to talk over him. I was focused on what I was going to say, not what he was saying.
• I didn't respect that he might know something that I don't know. As Dave told me his point of view, I made comments like, "I already know that." Or, "I know what you're saying you don't need to explain it." These comments didn't respect Dave's intellect (which I do respect) and they over-exaggerate my own.

After a while the conversation lagged and I tried to bring the topic up again. Against his better judgment, Dave agreed and we tried again. This time I listened. I actively took notes on my thoughts so I could forget about them and focus on his. I covered my mouth. I gave him the time he needed and deserved to tell his story. Then we discussed. We went back and forth giving and taking points. He listened and I listened. I feel like this part of the conversation went much better. In the end, I think I agreed with almost everything he was saying, and I don't think he thought I was a complete idiot. So why blog this? Because I know I do this more then I would like to. I want the world to know how to handle me in this situation. Dave did the best thing he could have, and I wish he would have done it sooner - before he got angry. The process is simple:

1. Understand that I'm an idiot.
2. Forgive me for being an idiot.
3. Tell me what I'm doing, how it's making you feel, and give me a chance to stop being an idiot.

Dave gave me that chance the second time around. He forgave me and told me. I think I made an effective correction. I want my conversations to be as rewarding as possible - for both parties. I sometimes have a hard time dealing with my shortcomings around respecting the other person when I'm in a passionate discussion (and I get passionate a lot). Please feel empowered to tell me when I'm being an idiot and you feel I'm not respecting you. [/textile]