Translator’s Introduction

In May 2006, an ill-prepared international expedition to the Himalayas lost its way. After two weeks of wondering around, hungry, thirsty, and smelling like inexperienced expeditioners who got lost for two weeks, they stumbled upon the entrance to an ancient cave.

Once inside, they saw a maze of ancient, and messy, cubicles. Each cubicle had a wooden desk, an ergonomically correct bamboo chair, a Dilbert™ calendar, and a strange computer-like mechanical device. In one corner of the office they found barrels of dark liquid which they later identified as early examples of carbonated and highly caffeinated drink and a ping-pong table. They realized that the cave was an ancient software start-up. The oldest one on record. Older even than Netscape.

Among the many things they discovered inside the cave was a note left by one of the programmers. The expedition’s guide, while not very good at guiding, knew how to read the ancient language and translated the note for them:

We have finished the release ahead of schedule – again. All the tests pass, so we are taking the rest of the week off. We are going sailing. Since it’s a team building exercise, we hope we can get reimbursed for it.

The explorers looked at each other in astonishment. Not only had they discovered the oldest software start-up in history, they had also discovered a team of programmers who, apparently, completed their code ahead of schedule ... on a regular basis!

What was the secret of these ancient programmers?

And what had happened to them?

The expeditioners searched each cubicle for clues and found two mysterious booklets. One of them was called "Learn To Sail In 30 Minutes”, which explained the fate of the programmers. You are holding in your hands a translation of the other booklet: “The Way of Testivus”.

Who wrote this mysterious booklet? What is Testivus? Only Google™ knows for sure.

Is the content of this text responsible for these ancient programmers being able to complete projects ahead of schedule?

We can’t be sure, but we believe that the amazing prowess of these programmers was probably due to a combination of the Testivus philosophy, and the consumption of large amounts of the dark caffeinated liquid found in the cave.

Read the booklet and draw your own conclusions.

Alberto Savoia, April 2007, Mountain View, Ca

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