If I've learned one thing in my whole illustrious career, it's that "yeah, yeah, yeah" really means "la la la, I'm not listening".

Today I'm throwing a big party at a venue in central London. It's the series finale of Doctor Who, and I explained to the venue's manager in gory detail exactly what kind of lynching we could expect if the time comes and there's no TV picture. "Yeah, yeah, yeah" he exclaimed.

So I visited the venue yesterday to do last minute checks,...