The First Presidential Testing Debate
Submitted by John McConda on Sat, 18/10/2008 - 10:25.
What if we elected a President of Testing?
Moderator:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the campus of Baseline University for the first debate between candidates for the President of Software Testing, I'm your moderator, Quentin Colson, (though sometimes I go by Quentin Anderson just to confuse everyone).
Tonight the candidates will be discussing issues important to you, the software testing professional. I will now introduce our candidates. First is the current President of the Test Automation Society, Richard Runnit. Next, we have his opponent, the Executive Director of Quality R Us, Ms. Tess Blessit.
Candidates, my first question pertains to an always hot topic among testers, automation. What is your position on how it should be used? Mr. Runnit, before the debate you guessed the number closest to what came out of our random number generator, so you will answer this question first.
Audience Member:
Excuse me Mr. Moderator, I would just like to say that I have a copy of that random number generator on my iPhone. I just did a quick Blink Test and found out it isn’t really random at all. Here’s my bug report. [Hands it to a staff member who carries it to the moderator]
Moderator:
I see, well then I’ll just have to flip a coin. Heads Mr. Runnit goes first, tails it’s Ms. Blessit. [Flips coin] Heads it is!
Another Audience Member:
Did anyone test the coin? Was it properly weighted? How do we know it’s not two headed”?
Moderator:
Okay, I know you’re all testers here, but don’t you just trust some processes to be bug free?
Audience (in unison):
NO!
Moderator:
We’ll go to a commercial break then, while the coin is tested and flipped.
Now we’re back. Mr. Runnit, you have (finally) won the toss. What is your position on test automation?
Runnit:
My fellow testers, all tests should be automated! We should be able to press a button and get all the results and metrics we need. It's time to put an end to excessive head counts! If a tester can't code, why should our profession keep giving him handouts?
Moderator:
Ms. Blessit, your response?
Blessit:
My friends, Mr. Roboto over there wants us to believe that automation is the answer to everything. I say it's all worthless! When was the last time you found a significant bug with your huge, hard to maintain automated GUI regression suite? "
Runnit:
Now wait just a minute Blessit, you're trying to misrepresent me, I'm not talking about GUI automation, I'm talking about automated unit-level tests that...."
Blessit:
If I may interrupt here, Mr. Moderator, I have an invoice with my opponent’s signature when he was test manager for Death Spiral Software. It shows right here that he spent 4.2 billion dollars for a Mercury GUI test automation tool suite in 2002."
Runnit:
Ms. Blessit, everyone knows that document was signed before I became a born-again Agilista!"
Blessit:
I don't know what that word means, but it sounds like a terrorist to me!
Moderator:
Ok, let's move on to Certification. What place do you think it has in our industry? Ms. Blessit, you go first.
Blessit:
My fellow testers, certification is essential for keeping people like Joe the Tester Trainer employed! Do you know how much less he would be able to charge for his 3 day course if it didn't have a four letter certification attached to it?
Runnit:
Let me just say this, certification should be the right of every testing citizen! My plan would give free certificates out to the oppressed uncertified with no test to take at all. Only testers who have more than 3 certifications will have to answer a single question!
Blessit:
Yes, but isn't it true that your running mate's former company was given a multi-billion dollar, no-bid contract to teach these "free" certification classes?
Blessit:
That's preposterous! Crankemout LLC won the job fair and square
Moderator:
I'm sorry candidates, but our time is up. The choice is now up to the testers, and let’s all hope we had some good ones looking at those voting machines....
Moderator:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the campus of Baseline University for the first debate between candidates for the President of Software Testing, I'm your moderator, Quentin Colson, (though sometimes I go by Quentin Anderson just to confuse everyone).
Tonight the candidates will be discussing issues important to you, the software testing professional. I will now introduce our candidates. First is the current President of the Test Automation Society, Richard Runnit. Next, we have his opponent, the Executive Director of Quality R Us, Ms. Tess Blessit.
Candidates, my first question pertains to an always hot topic among testers, automation. What is your position on how it should be used? Mr. Runnit, before the debate you guessed the number closest to what came out of our random number generator, so you will answer this question first.
Audience Member:
Excuse me Mr. Moderator, I would just like to say that I have a copy of that random number generator on my iPhone. I just did a quick Blink Test and found out it isn’t really random at all. Here’s my bug report. [Hands it to a staff member who carries it to the moderator]
Moderator:
I see, well then I’ll just have to flip a coin. Heads Mr. Runnit goes first, tails it’s Ms. Blessit. [Flips coin] Heads it is!
Another Audience Member:
Did anyone test the coin? Was it properly weighted? How do we know it’s not two headed”?
Moderator:
Okay, I know you’re all testers here, but don’t you just trust some processes to be bug free?
Audience (in unison):
NO!
Moderator:
We’ll go to a commercial break then, while the coin is tested and flipped.
Now we’re back. Mr. Runnit, you have (finally) won the toss. What is your position on test automation?
Runnit:
My fellow testers, all tests should be automated! We should be able to press a button and get all the results and metrics we need. It's time to put an end to excessive head counts! If a tester can't code, why should our profession keep giving him handouts?
Moderator:
Ms. Blessit, your response?
Blessit:
My friends, Mr. Roboto over there wants us to believe that automation is the answer to everything. I say it's all worthless! When was the last time you found a significant bug with your huge, hard to maintain automated GUI regression suite? "
Runnit:
Now wait just a minute Blessit, you're trying to misrepresent me, I'm not talking about GUI automation, I'm talking about automated unit-level tests that...."
Blessit:
If I may interrupt here, Mr. Moderator, I have an invoice with my opponent’s signature when he was test manager for Death Spiral Software. It shows right here that he spent 4.2 billion dollars for a Mercury GUI test automation tool suite in 2002."
Runnit:
Ms. Blessit, everyone knows that document was signed before I became a born-again Agilista!"
Blessit:
I don't know what that word means, but it sounds like a terrorist to me!
Moderator:
Ok, let's move on to Certification. What place do you think it has in our industry? Ms. Blessit, you go first.
Blessit:
My fellow testers, certification is essential for keeping people like Joe the Tester Trainer employed! Do you know how much less he would be able to charge for his 3 day course if it didn't have a four letter certification attached to it?
Runnit:
Let me just say this, certification should be the right of every testing citizen! My plan would give free certificates out to the oppressed uncertified with no test to take at all. Only testers who have more than 3 certifications will have to answer a single question!
Blessit:
Yes, but isn't it true that your running mate's former company was given a multi-billion dollar, no-bid contract to teach these "free" certification classes?
Blessit:
That's preposterous! Crankemout LLC won the job fair and square
Moderator:
I'm sorry candidates, but our time is up. The choice is now up to the testers, and let’s all hope we had some good ones looking at those voting machines....